Blaming his boss took from Kurt the power to changes his feelings. Over generalizing from his experience deprived Kurt of any alternative to seeing himself as unacceptable to potential employers. All he could do was feel angry at his boss and his fate, anxious about his bleak future, and powerless to change an unacceptable situation. When he was able to switch from a blaming mode of thought to a problem solving mode, he was able to take action. By defining his problem as a lack of knowledge about business practices and terms, Kurt was able to take appropriate remedial action, which consisted of enrolling in classes that would give him the knowledge he lacked. Taking action decreased the feelings of powerlessness that had been fueling his anxieties and anger. The less angry and anxious he felt, the better able he became to enjoy his learning adventure and profit from it. As he became happier and felt more in control of his future, he became more attractive to himself and to others, which in turn helped him land a job offer.
Depression
Feeling "down" or "blue" is part of being terminated and looking for another job. Usually such feelings pass in a matter of days or sooner. You may feel depressed after learning of termination but find that when you develop a plan for getting another position, the feeling begins to lift.
Many people respond to rejections from prospective employers with mild depression but find the feeling dissipates as soon as they become re involved in searching. Just about everyone has developed personal strategies for dealing with mild feelings of depression that follow disappointments or setbacks in life. Some people take long walks or jog; others treat themselves to a movie with family or friends. Physical activity, intellectual challenge, and social contact are among the most common means of fighting mild depression.
Not all depressions, however, are mild. A variety of thinking patterns, life circumstances, and physiological reactions seem to determine whether a given individual in a given situation will experience mild depression or descend into a prolonged period of deepening depression. Some people appear to be more prone physiologically than others to be coming depressed and to staying that way for long periods. Both because of its severity and the physiological factors involved, deep depression is recognized as a serious disease and is often treated with drugs. Anti depressants can stop the vicious downward cycle of depression, although all involve side effects and the risk of psychological or physical habituation. If you feel depressed for more than several days or find that you must force yourself to do anything while deriving satisfaction from nothing or sometimes think about suicide, you should consult a physician about whether antidepressant medication might be helpful in your case. One of the best ways, however, to deal with depression is to tackle it before it becomes overwhelming.
Be prepared to feel down from time to time during your transition to another job or another career. As noted above, patterns of thinking and patterns of feeling are interwoven; our thoughts affect our feelings and our feelings affect our thoughts. Certain patterns of thought are closely associated with feelings of depression, and changing these patterns can help combat depression. When depressed, people are particularly prone to several intellectual fallacies, including the following:
Over generalization extra creation, and black or white thinking
All of these thought fallacies lead us to draw extreme conclusions from scant evidence. For example, after being turned down for a job, you might find yourself thinking (saying to yourself): 'Tm a lousy interviewee; I always mess up and make a fool of myself. I'll never be able to get a position in marketing because I can't even market myself." The evidence from which these conclusions are drawn being rejected for a particular position simply does not support such general and extreme statements. You may have been rejected for reasons having nothing to do with your performance in the interview perhaps another candidate simply had more experience than you and was equally personable and articulate. Even if you did perform poorly in the interview, you are not doomed to poor performance in all interviews your interviewing performance is something that you have the power to change, if you stop thinking in black or white terms and identify the aspects of your performance that need improvement. The use of words like "always," "never," and "forever" should be a tip off that your thinking is probably fallacious.
Selective filtering of information
Another hallmark of depressed thinking is the tendency to disregard or discard any information that might challenge dark convictions of total inadequacy or powerlessness. Drawing again on the example given above, you can conclude that you are a total failure in interviews only by disregarding the fact that you have gotten jobs and promotions in the past based in large part on your interview performance. You may also be filtering out of your thinking the fact that hiring decisions are based on a complex set of factors of which your interview performance is but one.
