An authority person projects an air of confidence and conversely the person who conveys confidence is perceived as having more authority. That is, confident-sounding people are listened to more carefully, and what they say is more likely to be heeded. On the other hand, people who express their opinions in a tentative way project an air of uncertainty and are not listened to as carefully, nor are their statements taken as seriously.
Suppose a supervisor said to a typist; "This report has to be re typed, doesn't it?" The fact that the statement is phrased as a question suggests that the supervisor is unsure whether the report needs retyping. Or you might think the supervisor believes the report needs retyping but is asking for the typist's confirmation. In either case, asking for confirmation still implies uncertainty. Thus, the supervisor has diluted his or her authority with the tag-question. On the other hand, had the supervisor said, "This report needs to be retyped," that would have conveyed confidence in the assertion.
There are times, of course, when a tag-question is useful and appropriate. If, for example, you want to initiate small talk on the elevator you might say, "Elevator's slow, isn't it?" Here the tag-question conveys friendliness and elicits talking on a subject common to both people. At other times you might actively seek confirmation to check out your understanding of what the other person has said. A manager might confirm an assistant's opinion by saying, "You think this is a good idea, don't you?" Finally, asking for confirmation can be used as a way of getting a commitment for some action: "You'll complete the sales report before you leave today, won't you?" Here the request for confirmation actually reaffirms the manager's authority because the manager is confirming another person's promised actions.
But in general, the tag-question is inappropriate in a supervisory situation when you as the manager are stating your opinion or making an assertion to your subordinate. In such a situation you lose credibility if you ask the subordinate to confirm your opinions. Fortunately, the tag-question is easy to correct. If you become aware that you are using tag-questions frequently, simply drop the tag and use a simple declarative statement.
Disqualifying Prefaces
In a staff meeting I observed a novice manager pose a suggestion with the preface: "This may sound like a silly idea, but... Not unexpectedly, no one in the meeting looked at the speaker or made any response to the suggestion. Undaunted, the novice persisted with several other suggestions prefaced with disqualifiers such as, "Perhaps you have already tried this, but I think... Each suggestion was either rejected abruptly or simply ignored. The suggestions themselves, while not earth-shattering, were as reasonable as any of those presented by others, but the implicit message was, "Don't listen to my ideas-they aren't any good." The group heard and accepted the implicit message, and nobody listened.
Attaching a disqualifying preface to a statement not only instructs listeners to dismiss the statement in question as unimportant; it also influences their general impression of the speaker and of his or her future statements. The person who uses disqualifying prefaces sounds unsure and even incompetent; in fact, the speaker is explicitly stating his or her doubt about that particular statement. Certainly, if you are going to go to the trouble of thinking of an idea and stating it, you want the idea to be considered. Disqualifying prefaces defeat your purpose. People generally believe what you say about yourself. If you tell people that what you are about to say is without value, then those listening will probably believe you and will not continue to listen. Once you have set this cycle into motion it becomes difficult to get an audience, and many of your good ideas fall on deaf ears.
Certainly a disqualifying preface might be politic in a social situation in which the listener is resistant to a certain suggestion. For example, you might say to a distraught friend: "You probably really don't need to do this, but perhaps you should see a shrink," Here the listener can save face by agreeing that he or she doesn't need a psychiatrist, and at the same time you offered what you felt was good advice. The business world doesn't have time for such tentative communications; it simply doesn't have time to listen to statements labeled as valueless.
Obviously, if you want what you say to be taken seriously, then it is wise to listen carefully to your own speech patterns and drop the disqualifiers. Some people use the preface as a way of gaining the listener's attention. Unfortunately, the disqualifier often has the opposite result. If you feel you must preface your suggestions in order to get an attending audience or simply to build up momentum, then you should practice more assertive prefaces. For example, you can gain the attention of a listener with assertive prefaces such as: "I have a suggestion. Perhaps we could…" or "I want to make a suggestion. If you..." or "Have you considered...?" Of course, the preface is not necessary; you can simply state your suggestion or directive. In a group situation, if the others continue to speak, then begin again and speak louder.
Directives Stated as Requests
A manager is responsible for seeing that specific company objectives are met, and those being supervised are by and large employed to perform tasks that ultimately result in achieving these objectives. In most cases the manager does not hand over to the subordinates the authority to decide who should perform these tasks, yet many managers feel uncomfortable giving directives-they feel it is impolite.
When you want someone to do something and at the same time wish to be polite, you should probably make a request or suggestion. Both requests and suggestions allow the addressee to decide whether to comply. The implication is that the action you are requesting is a favor. This is appropriate in a social situation or a work situation with a peer, but framing a subordinate's required tasks as a favor is inappropriate and can cause you problems. On the other hand, an overt directive implies that the speaker is in a superior position and can enforce compliance if necessary. Although by definition a manager is in a superior position to that of his or her subordinates, many managers find it extremely difficult to give simple directives. Even in my workshops a large percentage of managers have difficulty giving directives in behavioral rehearsal exercises where the stated goal is to practice giving directives. Consider the following directives stated as requests:
- Please retype this report.
- Will you retype this report?
- Will you please retype this report?
- Won't you retype this report?
- Won't you please retype this report?
Sometimes a directive stated as a request can actually be antagonizing. For example, if you place special emphasis on the "please," as in "Will you please..." or "Won't you please..." it can come across to the listener as sarcastic. This is especially true if you are somewhat irritated-it sounds as if you’ve saying, "Won't you please do the work you're paid to do." Certainly it would be better to make the overt directive expected from a manager than to risk alienation through sarcastic politeness.
If you feel compelled to be polite at all times with subordinates and if you hear yourself giving many of your directives as requests, practice the "please formation in example 1 until you can do so comfortably. Then practice giving directives with no preface. As a manager you should be able to give an overt directive comfortably and confidently. Use the request formation when you have a specific purpose for softening the directive.
