In the example, the word "relax" is used as the anti-stress command. Of course, you can choose from a wide variety of words, such as "calm," "slow down," and "rest." Or you might prefer to make up a new word. Once you have settled upon a word or sound to use as your anti-stress command, say it to yourself consistently just at the moment that you release the tension and begin to relax.
When to Practice
Learning to relax takes time, patience, and practice. Building the relaxation exercises into your daily routine is crucial. It will be difficult to develop your skill if you practice sporadically. The best times to practice are in the morning before work, during lunch (if you can arrange to be undisturbed), and in the evening, especially just before retiring. Go through the entire exercise during each session. After you have completed the exercise, review your bodily sensations. If you notice residual tension in any muscles, such as the neck or shoulders, work on these areas a little more. It is a good idea not to go on to any of the next steps for about two weeks, because you need to develop a firm foundation for actually using your new relaxation skills to reduce stress in your life. Doing these exercises twice a day may at first seem unfeasible; however, most of us are "too busy." Challenge this reason. Ask yourself if you can afford to continue experiencing stress. What about the very real potential health hazards of stress, as well as its debilitating effects upon your daily performance?
It is important to make a real commitment to yourself and to set aside the time just as you would for any other crucial project. A self-contract can help you with the commitment. Develop an if-then statement for yourself and write it down. Make your contract for a short period of time. When you have succeeded in achieving one objective, write another contract for yourself. In this way you can build and keep your commitment. Avoid the all-or-nothing New Year's resolution; a self-contract covering two or three days will help you reach your goal. Write your contract in an "official" manner. List your if-then statement and the time when you will practice each day, then sign your name at the bottom. Try posting it on a door or mirror at home. Seeing it a few times a day will remind you of your agreement with yourself. Here is a sample:
Altering Stress-Producing Thoughts
When learning any complex skill, most people go through the steps mentally as they carry them out. For example, when you were learning to drive you may have thought something like this: "OK, here comes a corner. I’ve got to slow down. First, I'll take my foot off the gas and brake slowly. Now I have to shift down. OK, I can do that.
Take my foot off the brake and slowly push in the clutch. Now shift from third to second. Slowly-I don't want to go into reverse. Good, I did it. Now foot off the clutch..." As you became more skilled you probably abbreviated the self-instructions to: "Corner. Brake slowly. Clutch in. Shift to second... As you mastered the skill, the instructions dropped out. You shifted down automatically when you saw the corner. This behavior probably feels natural now. In the same way that we learn helpful self-instructions and behaviors, we can learn unhelpful ones. In an abbreviated form you may be thinking such things as "Jones is late and Tm too busy. Now Fm going to get tense" or "I'll never make it through today" or "It's too much-I can't take it anymore."
Our thoughts, images, and other mental activities race on almost constantly. Some claim that nirvana is simply the cessation of thought, although only a select few will ever experience anything resembling this kind of bliss. The content of our unrelenting internal monologue has a powerful impact on our physical sensations (emotions) and on our actions. To illustrate, close your eyes and for about 60 seconds relive a situation in which you were dissatisfied with your behavior or with the behavior of someone else. As you do this, notice your AMPS:
What are your Actions? Mental pictures? Physical sensations? Sentences? Most people who try this experiment report that they first notice many silent negative sentences, such as "If only I had… or "She should have... or "He had the nerve to... followed by the same unpleasant sensations (such as knots in the stomach or tightness in the neck) that they experienced when they actually lived through the encounter. Some people also report negative mental pictures, such as "I could see them all sitting across from me like judge and jury-I was condemned!" which then triggered unpleasant sensations or emotions. This experiment reveals the close relationship between thoughts and fantasies, emotional responses, and our subsequent actions. We can easily become a victim of our own negative internal behaviors.
It is difficult to act the way we want to when we're experiencing tension and are engaging in stress-producing thoughts or fantasies. Our movements, our voice control, and our decisions can be seriously impaired. It becomes a vicious stress-producing cycle in which our failures and disappointments trigger more debilitating internal behaviors. Unfortunately, just as with driving the car, our negative thoughts become abbreviated and so subtle that we are often entirely unaware of them. To successfully use your relaxation skills, you need to identify and change your tension-producing self-instructions.
Keeping a Thought Diary
Observe your "silent sentences," and each time you catch yourself thinking a tension-producing thought, write it down in your diary. Your diary can be a small pad or file card that you keep on your desk or carry in your briefcase. Just collecting these negative instructions will probably be very enlightening. Don't try to observe all your thoughts about everything; start off by listing and recording what you say to yourself about your tension, your ability to learn to relax, and your relaxation exercises.
Generating Helpful Thoughts
Take a piece of paper and, in one column, list your negative thoughts about your ability to relax and to cope with stress. Try to write down the exact words you said to yourself. Then, across from each negative thought, write an appropriate countermanding thought, which should be positive, optimistic, and realistic.
Putting It All Together
By the time most people become aware of their stress, it is out of control. The strategy for managing stress described here requires immediate intervention early in the cycle, before it gets out of hand. This is why I have emphasized learning to identify slight tension in the muscles and to recognize stress-producing thoughts. The more finely tuned your detection system becomes, the more effective you will be in managing your stress. The strategy is based on operant conditioning principles and the ABCs. This is the model you will use to actually reduce stress in your day-to-day life.
In this case, the behavior you want to increase is that of relaxing your muscles. If you've been conscientiously training yourself to re lax, then you should be able to perform the desired behavior at point B. What you need to do is to establish antecedents to trigger your relaxing behavior at point A. The antecedents in this strategy are awareness of tension in your muscles and hearing yourself thinking stress-producing thoughts.
As soon as you become aware of tension or stress-producing thoughts, or both (A), actively instruct yourself to relax, and begin to consciously relax your muscles (B). Follow up with a positive statement about your ability to relax or to cope with the situation (C). The more you practice this, the easier it will become and the more successful you will be. The experience of relaxing is inherently reinforcing (because it adds a pleasurable feeling and removes unpleasant tension), and reinforced behavior increases in frequency.
